this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
