Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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