Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
