You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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