he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
