my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
