so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
