I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
