WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you had me at cake vodka
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
