you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
