90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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