I bet he comes in French.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
