my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
