just tell him i said nine months
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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