I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
