i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
