I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
