I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
