but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
