my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
