opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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