My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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