If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
