You're my little dorito
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
