based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
