Where did you get a picture of my penis
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
