i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
