I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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