Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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