the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
