When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
