dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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