Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
