i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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