eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the day after is always just damage control
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
