He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
