dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am naked and annoyed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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