some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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