i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
