he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
