I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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