Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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