Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
