he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
