It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
