It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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