He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
