I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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