College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
