Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
