tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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